When You’re Not in Crisis. But You’re Not Okay Either!

In this week’s Recovery Club live coaching session, we explored a place many people find themselves in, but almost no one talks about.

It’s the space where you’re not in crisis anymore… but you’re not okay either.

You’re functioning. You’re getting through your days. You’re doing what needs to be done.

And yet something feels thin. A little worn. A little heavier than you expected it to feel by now.

If that sounds familiar, I want you to know something straight away:

There is nothing wrong with you.

The stage no one names

We often talk about recovery as if it moves neatly from crisis → healing → thriving.

But in reality, the longest part for many people is the middle.

The part where:

• the emergency has passed

• the adrenaline has worn off

• people assume you’re “better now”

• and your system hasn’t quite caught up

You’re no longer in survival mode, but you’re not settled either.

And because this stage doesn’t look dramatic, it often goes unnoticed.

By others. And by ourselves.

This is often the moment when people start thinking:

“I should be better by now.”

That thought is incredibly common and incredibly heavy.

Why this stage can feel confusing and lonely

One of the reasons this stage is so difficult is that it doesn’t have a clear label.

You don’t feel “unwell enough” to ask for help. But you don’t feel well.

You’re not broken, but you’re not restored.

And when people around you believe you’re fine, you may start telling yourself you should be fine too.

Instead of asking:

“What do I need right now?”

You begin asking:

“What’s wrong with me that I’m still struggling?”

That question can feel incredibly lonely, even if you’re surrounded by people.

You might notice thoughts like:

• “I don’t want to make a fuss.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “I should just get on with it.”

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If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many people find themselves here.

The quiet ways we abandon ourselves

In this stage, something subtle often begins to happen.

People don’t abandon themselves loudly.

They do it quietly.

It might sound like:

• “It’s not that bad.”

• “I should be grateful.”

• “I don’t want to dwell on it.”

Coping becomes automatic. Honesty begins to feel indulgent.

Not because you don’t care, but because you’re tired of needing care.

But I want to say this clearly:

Minimising how you feel is not strength. It’s usually exhaustion.

The goal isn’t to judge yourself for that. It’s simply to notice it gently.

What “feeling better” might actually look like

At this stage, feeling better rarely looks like a breakthrough.

It doesn’t look like sudden joy or clarity.

It doesn’t mean having everything figured out.

Instead, it often looks much quieter:

• a little more steadiness

• a little more honesty

• less pressure to perform recovery “properly”

• less grading yourself

Sometimes feeling better simply means allowing yourself to say:

“I’m allowed to be where I am, without rushing myself.”

And surprisingly often, that alone brings relief.

Questions worth asking yourself

During the session, I offered a few gentle questions. You might like to reflect on them too:

• What do you tell yourself you should be feeling by now? (Whose timeline are you using?)

• Where are you coping quietly instead of being honest? That might be with other people or with yourself.

• What would “a little steadier” look like this week? Not better. Not healed. Just steadier.

You don’t need perfect answers. Sometimes simply asking the question is enough.

Something to carry forward

If there’s one idea I hope you take away from this conversation, it’s this:

You don’t have to be in crisis to deserve care.

And you don’t have to feel better to be doing okay.

Sometimes the real work is simply staying with yourself without rushing, fixing or judging.

A gentle reminder

If you’re in that in-between space,not falling apart, but not okay either, you are not failing.

You are transitioning.

And transitions are often quiet, confusing and tiring.

So be gentle with yourself.

Lower the expectations. Increase the permission.

And remember:

Staying with yourself honestly is real work.

If you'd like to watch the session, you can see it HERE

SB x